A Distant Memory
by flusen
Summary: Riku&Sora. In another world, Sora tries to understand why he faintly remembers his past life while his friend's don't. Dead.
1. EnterReset

**Disclaimer:** Obviously, not mine.  
**Notes:** Editing completed on 05/06/07. 

_Chapter One: Enter/Reset_

* * *

A soft breeze fills the island air, water laps gently at the shoreline. Hot sweat glistens against milky flesh and bronze skin. 

"Okay, we'll finish it together! I'll race you!" a cheery voice strings out through the air.

"Huh?"

"What, are you kidding?"

An innocent giggle, "Ready?"

Hearts quicken at the word. _Ready?_

"GO!"

A look is exchanged between green and blue, and with a nod, they take off.

* * *

"Sora?"

A soft whisper breaks the silence through the air.

"Sora?"

I hear a faint sniffle as I wake up to see a familiar bobbing brown haired head. Selphie hovers over me, sniffling back tears.

"Sora… Sor—"

"Selphie. I hear you, what's wrong?" I ask in a soothing voice, my eyes skimming the area of anyone else stirring.

"I-I can't sleep." She says in an almost inaudible voice. I sigh and smile, although she can't see it.

"Well, that's nothing new," I joke. "Come here."

She complies with a small nod and sits next to me on my cot, a soft whimper escapes as the bed groans in protest. In her arms she has her teddy bear, Mr. Wiggles, don't ask.

We sit in silence as she continues to even out her breathing, as soon as she calms down Selphie turns to look at me, "Sora, can… can you hold me?"

I can't help but smile; she's so innocent, just how I used to be. This girl is so small and fragile; one bad thing could result to her crashing down.

"Sure."

I have no love interest towards Selphie. But I feel my role towards her is as a big brother. It feels good to look out for someone, rather than them mothering you. But sometimes… I wonder, how would it feel? How would it feel to have someone always watching over you, protecting you, and loving you? And why… why can't I---

"Sora?"

I snap out of my thoughts as Selphie looks up at me, eyes full of curiosity. I pat her head in reassurance and smile genuinely.

"Tell me…" she whispers while Mr. Wiggles comes closer to her small frame. "Tell me again."

I feel those questions come back into my mind as a faint smell of salt hazes through my mind… that bright sunlight… the green… How would it feel to have someone always watching over you, protecting you, and _loving_ you?

I am on the verge of holding tears when Selphie grips my shirt and snuggles closer, her way of encouragement, a way of comfort that just seems to convince me to tell it again. Tell her about where I came from… where we came from.

She doesn't and wouldn't remember.

"Please?"

Warm water brims my eyes as I fight them back, showing a weakness to Selphie could traumatize her, letting her see I'm not as brave as she thinks. I hold back.

"Okay." I whisper through the darkness. No matter how many nightlights illuminate the room, I still see darkness.

She perks up a bit as I wrap my arms around her affectionately. A deep breath and I begin to tell my story, a story about happiness, laughter and love. The day back on Destiny Islands, before he took us all and erased our memories, flushed as I call it, and how I managed to just remember some of it. Of course, no one knows… no one knows I remember a lot of it.

The screams, those black bodies and fierce yellow eyes. The constant shrieks those creatures made, the cold sinister laugh that man made when he killed anyone who protested, _anyone_. I almost cried aloud, remembering how he dragged away Selphie. This girl before me, how that man hurt her…

Of course she doesn't remember.

And sometimes, I wish I didn't either.

But why? Why couldn't I fight back then? I can't think back that far.

"The Island of Light as some of us called it," I began, "A place where warmth was everywhere, no matter how far the sun seemed to shine—"

"What's the sun again?" She asked me tilting her head to the side.

Oh yeah, the sun. It's sad knowing that we are all kept locked away in this basement to do work for eternity. We were all erased of everything, every memory, and every sound… whether it was a bird or our parent's voices… even what the sun, moon, and stars are. No windows are here for us to gaze out at, for seeing the outside world could make us dream. He tells us, " We shouldn't dream of things not worth fighting for."

"Ah, the sun, yeah…" I pause trying to remember what I told her before… it seems she likes to know everything for comfort. "Eh, basically Selph, a big yellow glowing ball of energy…." I smile remembering how I used to look at her like that. "It is what kept everything naturally lit, when it came up, it was day, when it faded, it is called night."

She smiles and sighs, a sign letting me to know to continue.

"Everyone from the island would always gather and plan out what to do. For fun we'd go and swim in the vast ocean… a very large bathtub really." No doubt in my mind Selphie and her creative little imagination are working frantically trying to piece out what an ocean was. Oh how I wish she could just remember it. Remember how she used to sit on the dock and dangle her feet looking out at the horizon, such a sap for romance.

"We all would play in Fate's Lagoon and have those warm droplets of water fall across our backs. We would play tag in the water and as it got colder and faded into night, we'd go towards the dock and light a fire on the beach. All of us would gather around and tell ghost stories. And as always, my friend Sophie would be scared the most… but not to worry, her strong boyfriend Thai would protect her." It hurt to have to replace their names with ones I made up. But if she only found out, it'd be horrible.

"And when it was really just the perfect weather, we'd knock down a few of those foods from the trees and drink the juice. Only then it would taste best." I smirked thinking back on how he could never get enough of those coconuts… I'm pretty sure that's what they were called.

Selphie gasped and looked up at me, "Tell me about the other one!" she whispered a little too loud. I brought a finger to my lips and one to her mouth letting her know to calm down. It's a shame seeing her this happy about my own vision and yet she can't remember for herself. But it has to be this way.

"Sorry…" she murmured, I could feel the heat radiate from her cheeks knowing that she was blushing. I shook my head and patted her soft chocolate hair. She continued, more hushed this time, "The other one… The one you said that was yellow and had five points." Selphie held up five fingers and smiled. She pulled an arm from Mr. Wiggles and held it up too.

Oh Gods.

She looked up at my face as I felt a wave of emotions surge through my body.

_"If two people share one, their destinies become intertwined. They'll remain a part of each other's lives no matter what."_

Damnit! Not now… not a…

_"Sora…"_

Riku…

_"C'mon, I know you want to try it."_

Riku…

"Riku…"

My hand comes up to my lips as I muttered the name aloud, Selphie still looking up at me worried.

"Selphie, I think that's enough stories for tonight." I say blankly, staring straight out before me at the darkness. I hear a soft whimper and she shakes her head understanding that it's late.

"Okay…" Selphie crawls out from my arms and gets off the bed. The brunette looks at me and nods, "Thank you Sora."

I nod in return and she sinks off out of the room quietly to her own.

_"C'mon, I know you want to try it."_

My head hits the soft pillow under me as I let my emotions flow out through my eyes, my tears of memories and pain, no matter how much I try to cry them out, they refuse to leave my mind.

This isn't the first time I've cried over this, and it sure as hell won't be the last.

I'm damned here for life, serving him until I die. Xavian is now my home, no more Destiny Islands, no more coconut juice or swims in the Fate's Lagoon. And surely…

No more Riku.

I cry quietly, now cursing these memories of my past life. I raise my weary head and look at the clock, 2:00am… in 3 more hours I am going to have to wake up and start working for that man again. Make this fucking place run, do _his_ bidding.

I weep, not for myself, but for all my friends who were flushed and brought here.

Riku…

* * *

"RISE AND SHINE YOU BRATS!"

I sit up straight from my bed and look out my door. I jump as I see Mr. Barett walk down the hallway, bell ringing in one hand and… shit, he brought the cat.

"GET UP! UP SQUAD D! Don't you dare make me send Red after each and every one of you!" he shouted. As if to emphasize the threat, the beast gave a low growl.

I jump out my cot and line up outside my room. Upon stumbling out of my room I hear a definite scream coming down the hall.

"NO! I'm SORRY! I won't do it again!"

A roar escapes from the cat in the distance and another shrill scream echoes down the hall.

"SHUT UP!" Mr. Barett screams. I can hear the defying sound of a slap and the crumple of a body. "Char! Take care of this mess, would ya?!" the burly man shouts to his assistant. I see Barett's assistant run down the hallway and seconds later, he drags away a boy's body.

Damn.

I see my friend Maz getting towed away by the feet, tears streaming down his face and blue hair disheveled. He sees me looking at him and screams, "SORA! Help me! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to have my sister in my room! You know her! Sora! She was scared! What was I supposed to do!?!" he's wailing and sobbing as people look at him, horrified. But I can only stare helplessly, knowing that if I dare to make a move, I'd earn myself severe punishment.

"Maz…" I whisper not knowing everyone gasps from my word. Barett stalks to me, eyes flaming red and fists clenched. Oh shit.

"YOU! What did you say!?" he points a metal finger at me maliciously. The black man grabs the front my shirt and slams me against the wall. I hold back a cringe when I feel my bones crack. If I dare to ever show emotion in this place, I'd be thrown into the dungeon.

"WELL!? Care to say what's on your mind!?" he barks at me in my face. I can smell the putrid scent of stale cigarettes on his breath. His vise like grip tightens even more if not possible and he grins evilly. "That's what I thought." he drops me to the floor as I crumble to the hard discolored carpet. Barett spits besides me and cracks his knuckles, "That's right, you worthless piles of Grat shit ain't nothin. The only thing Squad D is worth of is labor." he huffs and storms out of the room. I get up to dust myself off when a red orange figure trots down the hall and stops in front of me. I meet its eyes and swallow hard. It stares back at me and shows it's teeth emitting a low growl of caution.

"RED!" a loud voice booms up ahead.

The cat whips its head around and runs off to its master. Before it left, I could have sworn it laughed in my face.

With an earsplitting shrill, the buzzer to alert us that we have 30 minutes to get dressed and rush to the cafeteria, scares us all as we rush back into our rooms to prepare.

I get up from the floor and rub my back, glancing around seeing the onlookers stare at me. I wipe the sweat from my forehead and sulk back into my room.

This isn't turning out to be a good day.

Gently I slip off my shirt and put on my work clothes, no different from my sleeping wear really. I put on a black sleeveless top and beige baggy pants. I bend over to put on my boots as a familiar feel of cool metal falls out of my shirt, dangling in front of my eyes, its silver glint winking its good morning to me.

"Good morning to you too." I whisper to the silver crown piece that waves in front of me. I wince as I bend over more, feeling the soreness in my back from being slammed against the wall. After slipping into my shoes, I make my bed quickly and smile. I look behind me to see if anyone is looking as I slip off the silver necklace. I close my eyes and bring the crown to my lips, kissing it for luck. I can almost feel the love radiate off from it, funny coming from a piece of jewelry. Not once do I not forget, it means everything to me. Softly, I lift the pillow up and slide it under.

"Sora?" A soft voice calls from behind. I turn around to see Selphie and another familiar face. I grin as I stare at my other flushed friend… Wakka.

"Hey, you alright man?" he asks worried. Wakka brings his hand behind his head and scratches that bright orange hair.

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks." I say though, it's not exactly all the way true. "Ready to go?"

Both nod and I walk out the room, I reach behind me shut out the light. Wakka yawns and brings his head up to tie a blue cloth around his hair. We walk to the end of the corridor where Maz was dragged out and see his sister sulk out of the room.

"Marey!" Selphie calls towards the blue haired girl. Marey simply ignores us and walks ahead quickly, soon joined by her other friends as they walk down the steps to the cafeteria.

"Marey!" Selphie calls after her again, but Wakka places his hand on her shoulder and shakes his head.

"Selphie, don't. I'm sure she'll be okay." I say reassuringly. I truly meant it. I've talked around with both Maz and his sister, Marey. They're a strong team, very close too. I silently wish to the Gods that they are watching over Maz and Marey, it's rare to see two siblings in Xavian.

"Okay." Selphie says quietly as we head down to eat.

I look behind me seeing the bars of the steel rusted door from where Maz was hauled. If only I could break through the door, that way I'd be able to save Maz and get everyone away form here. A foolish dream, but one **definitely **worth fighting for.

"Sora, man!" Wakka called. I turn around to see both him and Selphie waiting at the steps for me to come down. "You coming or staying, ya!?"

I call back a yes and hurry to them.

As soon as I get there Wakka chuckles, "What, you thinking of breakin down that door?"

I shrug.

He wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me to the cafeteria. "Yeah, I know… it's a foolish dream…" I say with a roll of my eyes.

Selphie brings her arm up to wrap around my shoulder and beams, "But it's definitely-"

"-worth fighting for." Wakka says finishing off her sentence.

"Read my mind." I snicker.

"Of course, where else would I have found out that you turn 16 soon, ya?" he says in a matter of fact voice. My eyes widen at the realization.

"Hey! How'd you know?" I said surprised that someone knew, or remembered…

"Like I said Sora, I read your mind." Wakka grins and drags me down towards the steps. They drop their arms while we walk down.

Selphie giggles, "I remember you talking about it a couple of weeks ago so I decided to spread the word!"

I was taken back. Why would she want to spread the word that I am turning 16?

"Look, Sora you may not realize it," Selphie said under her breath as we walked into the line for food. "But a lot of people look up to you." She says while grabbing 3 trays and passing two down.

I blush at the thought; people look up to me?

"Yes Sora, people do. You've like taken blame for a bunch of people and stood up for people when they were being picked on by Squad B and such." Selphie rubbed my back to remind me on how much I took up for people. Not only was I thrown around a couple of times by Barett and others… but not to mention the lashings I got for taking the blame of my friends and fellow Squad mates.

"See man?" Wakka says grabbing two milks from the stand. He put one on my tray as I thanked him. "I remember the time we were workin lunch for Squad B and how ya stopped… what's that girl's name from Squad B Selph? The one who—"

"Poured orange juice down the front of you cause it matched your hair… I remember that, I'll never forget her, or her hair. Eiko was her name." Selphie finished for Wakka.

I grabbed an apple and a can of Phoose, it's a combination of vitamins and such… supposed to improve our ability to work harder. And just like the name, it tastes as bad as is sounds.

"Ya! Her… _her_." he said looking down a tint of pink on his cheeks.

Selphie reached for a platter of food and smiled, "Yeah, I remember that… how you, Sora stood in front of her and told her off, 'Just cause you're in a higher Squad, doesn't give you a right to push around people like that!'… Wow Sora, I wish I could have done that." she said dreamily.

I thought back to that day… and how many lashings I got too. Wakka reached for a plate of food as well and hurried to check out. "But see man, that was just for me. And I know ya had a time for just about everyone in this Squad, even Selph."

A faint image of the time I saved Selphie from a group of people in Squad C near the laundry hall popped into my mind. They were throwing clothes at her yelling that she wasn't cleaning them right. Even the other Squad who works with us, picked on her because they rank one higher!?

Selphie giggled, "Yeah, and what's cooler is how the other guy from C stood up for me a 'lil." she stated happily, "Oh what was his name again?"

Tidus.

If you only knew Selphie…

She shook her head and moved forward, "Anyway, basically, you deserve to have a good birthday party… well, small one. And besides… a lot of people are looking forward to it."

I smiled and could only dream of what it could be… balloons, games, music, laughter… him.

"But sadly, it's going to have to be small… very small." The brunette sighed.

"Wrist."

We approached the cashier and paid for our food. Selphie held out her wrist to the beefy lunch lady and shut her eyes. A red laser hovered above her flesh as it scanned in the numbers tattooed on her pale skin. A small beep and Selphie closed her eyes tighter when the shock pricked her wrist.

ACCEPTED

"You're fine Selphie." I said in comfort as the cashier ushered Wakka forward.

After Wakka was scanned in and the green letters ACCEPTED appeared on the screen, I held out my wrist.

"So where are we sitting today guys?" I asked as I felt the shock on my wrist, you get used to it after a while. Selphie still hadn't adjusted even though we arrived at the same time. I started to walk away when the lady stopped me.

"Looks like you're going to need to back off on the apple lad. You don't have enough points," she said in a gruff voice. "Get rid of it."

What!?

"What!?" I exclaimed. I just had a new batch added yesterday! "Wait! I just got some in yesterday!"

The woman rolled her eyes and pointed a stubby fat finger to the screen; "Does it look like ya just did?"

Clearly, red letters of DECLINED appeared on the screen saying I didn't. But I did…

"Here, I'll put some of my points in, ya?" Wakka said from behind the woman. The cashier turned to Wakka and raised a brow.

"Hey kid, you know the rules, you can't give out your points!" she said fiercely. Wakka backed down and moved behind Selphie who was currently wide eyed and brimmed with fear.

"Fine." I said as I placed the apple back. The people behind me groaned and waited impatiently for their food.

"Come on!"

"We only have 15 minutes left!"

"Hurry up!"

The woman banged her fist down on the counter. "If ya'll don't shut up, I'll make sure you don't GET a bite!" she glared at the people as they backed off. "Now then, wrist!"

I held my wrist out and sighed. I didn't even notice the jolt until she boomed at me to leave.

As we walked back to a table Selphie whimpered and Wakka cursed under his breath.

"Damnit! I knew ya had points too!" he said sitting down across from me. He cracked open his milk and huffed, "It's not like anyone follows that 'not to share ya points' system anyway. People are generous at times when we get hungry man!"

I smiled knowing I have friends that care.

"Don't worry about it. I'll be fine." I stated. I opened the can of Phoose and dug my spoon in the peach colored goo.

Definitely not a good day.

We ate our food the rest of the breakfast time talking about nothing too important but I kept on thinking how my points got erased. I finally came down to the conclusion that it was from this morning.

When the bell rang for us to go to work I wished them all luck.

We looked at each other as Selphie turned to go to the left, down to B1, laundry. Wakka smiled and gave me thumbs up.

"See ya man!"

I waved good bye as he made his way into the café kitchen to prepare for the next breakfasts, lunches and dinners.

I walked straight ahead and through the doors to my work. Wrapping my arms around me I walked into the darkness, further and further underground to do my work, Boiler Room. I shovel over and over coal into the furnaces to make heat and electricity throughout Xavian. When I'm done there, they send me to work on the repairs of machines and cleaning them.

Why is it that I always get the hardest jobs?

I walk around the halls lit by torches on the wall as I near my work place.

I round the corner when I'm handed a shovel roughly from another one of my fellow co-workers, Seifer.

He glares at me and nods his head over to the pile of coal needing to be shoveled by the furnace.

Oh yeah… this is going to be a very good day.


	2. Porcelain Skin and Stains of Guilt

**Disclaimer:** Obviously, not mine.  
**Notes:** Editing completed on 05/06/07.

_Chapter Two: Porcelain Skin and Stains of Guilt_

* * *

I let my body crash onto my bed as it groans from the sudden weight. I knew Barett now hated me for saying Maz's name. He watched over the shift I was in and now my body ached everywhere. That jerk made me shovel _triple _the amount of coal today. I moan as I try to move my head towards the side. White walls in front; I stare at the brick surface and sigh.

Is this how it's going to be for the rest of my life?

It's almost dinnertime. Trying to ease my pain I spread my limbs in an attempt to stretch. My hands glide under the pillow and I feel a familiar cool object. A grin spreads across my face as I pull out the necklace from under the white pillow.

"Why hello." I say cheerfully. Why is it that this necklace always makes me feel better?

I sit up slowly and slip it over my head letting it drop against my chest; it shines at me proudly. Suddenly I feel happier and decide to take a shower. Gathering my things I figure I have a half-hour before dinner.

I reach under my dresser and pull out a basket of shower things: a towel, shampoo, wash cloth, and soap. A soft creak and I pull open a drawer to retrieve clean clothes. Selphie peeks her head through the doorway and smiles.

"You coming to dinner?" she asks brightly, her head cocked to the side.

"Yeah, I'm going to take a quick shower though." I pass by her and she cringes.

"Did they push you today?"

I freeze. "Sorta…" I guess she could tell I was aching all over.

Selphie smiles, "I'm sorry. You okay?" her eyes full of concern.

"Don't worry about me Selphie, isn't that my job for you?" I ruffle her hair as she scowls in protest. "I'll be back soon." I call back while I make my way to the showers.

"Hurry back!" she calls from behind, "Wakka gave me a heads up that we're actually eating something good for dinner!"

I chuckle. "And what would that be?" I shout over my shoulder.

"I heard it's not just Phoose!"

A full smile forms onto my face and I shake my head, brown spikes of hair waving gently. I make my way to the showers quietly. When I reach the door I peek my head through and note no ones there.

Good.

I find that taking a shower in a public stall is always best when you're alone. It's kind of uneasy having your scars on your back exposed when you're trying to shower peacefully. I turn on the water to one of the showerheads and wait for it to heat up.

I remove my clothing and feel daring… maybe I'll leave on my necklace. Somehow it's telling me not to leave it. I shrug.

The warm water hits my back and I feel like I'm in heaven. It soothes my sore muscles as they sing to me melodies of thank you's. Lathering up the soap bar I inhale the clean scent and wash my body. After rinsing, I find myself lost, floating endlessly on cloud nine when I pour shampoo in my hair and begin to massage my scalp. Looking down at the floor, I watch all the dirt go down the drain… if only I could as well.

CREAK

I halt when I hear the door open. Damnit! I wanted to be the only one in here! But then I quickly change my mind instead, I wish I was _dead_

Riku walks in the door.

He blinks when he sees me and I feel my face go red. I turn the other way to hide my pink face when I feel him grow near me. He casually walks to the shower next to mine and turns on the water.

Oh shit… I can feel the flooding emotions as he just quietly undresses himself. A faint memory comes back when the last time I saw him. It was the day after we all arrived here. I remember how scared everyone was. All of those cries, the fear, the pain… all of it. Then the sight of seeing Riku walk by me, cold and untouched. He looked as if he was oblivious to the fact that everyone was taken by their will. Oblivious that people were being beaten into a bloody pulp to stop the whining.

Oblivious to me.

I tried to run to him, I screamed but soon found myself gagged before I could even utter his name aloud. It was hell. It still is.

I didn't find out till I was thrown into my room and saw Selphie. I ran up to her, asking her what's wrong. But why? Why hadn't I said her name in all those questions? As I think back to that day, as much as I remembered Destiny Islands, though not fully, why didn't I say her name? It could have sparked up a brief memory or anything.

Instead I stared in complete shock at her while she backed up against the wall and screamed for someone to help her, thinking I was going to hurt her. Then, she was pulled away. It wasn't until days later she came back and I realized, no one… no one remembered.

But why me?

I was so absorbed in thought I didn't notice that Riku was coming over towards my way. My face turns a deep scarlet.

_But why worry? _

A sudden tinge of pain grips my heart when reality slaps me across the face. He doesn't even know me. Or, he doesn't really remember me. He's flushed.

Someday I'll get fully used to the fact all my friends are no longer with me. That these people I met are never going to be the same. That I will never again get to laugh about old times and how many ways to have fun with those… damn, see?! What are those fucking things called?! Coconuts. Instead I will have to suck it in and deal with what, oh so horrible, destiny I was given. In the mean time, I need to get over Riku. I need to let go of hope and realize… I can't go back in time and change the past. No matter how much my mind wants it and no matter how much my heart wills it 1.

I suck in a deep breath and continue to rinse my hair, the final suds coming out. I need to regain control of myself, continue with what I was here for in the first place. To just shower and be done with. I reach down to change the water temperature to cold. This thinking is making me flustered. Placing my hands on the faucet, I then comprehend the fact that…

Oh _shit_.

My back!

He can see my back! All the scars on my back!

I quickly try to cover my hands with my back and he turns to face me, now completely naked.

I swear the water just turned to _sweltering _hot.

I gasp as he looks at me, not amused. Why does this have to happen to me? Why does all this shit have to happen to me?! And why now?! I can't handle this emotional roller coaster right now! I can't handle him seeing me like this for the second time since that day! I'm trying to _forget_ about you Riku! Not have emotions flood my already filled to capacity brain!I should run out. I need to get away like, _now_. Maybe I can just sink down into the drain. Oh Gods, help.

Riku clears his throat, "You're pretty brave aren't you?" the water cascades down his body like diamonds and I feel my eyes stare at his milky flesh. No, not now!

The scene and situation isn't helping much either as a haze of steam starts to form. We're in a shower… naked. This isn't good. Even being an emotional wreck, I can't seem to stop my state of lust I always had for him. It's gnawing at my insides, calling forth it's army of raging hormones to break down my concentration to take him now on the tiled floor. I feel my heart speed up and butterflies in my stomach.

I gape at him like a dying fish, why can't I say anything? I curse at myself for being this dumb to not do anything and look away.

A soft chuckle and I feel a hand come up and grasp my chin, turning me to face him. I blush from the contact and feel myself grow hotter. My heart pace quickens almost painfully.

I meet those familiar fierce green eyes and feel myself fall in love all over again. That eagerness to have him for lust begins to fade as that love comes back and takes me away. Just one look at Riku… just that one glance from him makes me weak in the knees. Even back in Destiny Islands I fought so hard to keep from reaching out and just touching his face. Just to reach out and brush away those silver locks of hair that would always stray across his face. Or caress that smooth porcelain skin, so fair... it never burned or tanned.

He smiles and laughs a second time, hand still on my face, "You know you still didn't answer my… question." Riku lets the last word fall out slowly. What are you doing? Are you trying to sound and act over intimidating like how you used to? Or are you just trying to drive me crazy?

He trails a hand down my chest, leaving a fiery path behind.

My mouth dropped open as his hand trailed lower, agonizingly slow. My whole body felt on fire while that bare hand continued to sink lower. I could feel my breath come out ragged, my heart race, and my eyes flutter close. Gods, do you remember Riku? Do you remember us? How we were? How happy we were together back home? Home Riku… _home_.

He grinned. "I said to you, 'you're feeling pretty brave aren't you?'" his hand stopped and he held out the crown pendant around my neck.

I felt my eyes snap open in fear, shit…

A sly smile spreads across his lips and his eyes light up in delight. "From what I hear, you're not supposed to wear jewelry. _Ever_."

Oh fuck!

Why did I have to feel daring? I backed away from him and opened my mouth to say something but his hand shot up and covered it. Why had I been so _fucking _blind?!

"Shh, you're not supposed to talk to someone _above_ you right? Don't want to get into more trouble than you already are, eh?" His eyes skim my body.

Riku reached down and grabbed my wrist. He flipped it over and sighed.

"Sora."

I gasp and back away. Riku?

I open my mouth to ask if he remembers me but once again I am cut off.

"Sora, number 03043" he says blankly. "You should go Sora, number 03043 Squad D, room 803, you don't want to get in trouble now." his eyes light up and he winks at me.

Backing away I turn to gather my things abruptly. I slip on my pants and shirt as fast as I can with my trembling hands before turning to go. It's rather hard since their shaking so much they feel like they're about to fall off and shuffle away.

I back out of shower hesitantly catching the number on his wrist quickly, 30691. I memorize.

"We'll be meeting again."

I turn and walk out of the shower room completely wet and stunned. What just happened?

I decide to skip dinner. I don't feel hungry anymore.

I run back to my room making sure no one sees me and close the door behind me. It all doesn't add up in my head. The look he gave me. The tension in the air. But… how he read my numbers, looking totally blank. Like a human puppet or something. That's what catches me off most of all. How did he say my information like that? Like one of scanners for the food lines. Is he like that? And if he can read mine like that… what if he knows everyone else's information?

I don't really care that I'm soaking wet and now will have to pay tonight for sleeping in wet pajamas. The bed hits my face and I know that any minute now I'm going to cry from so many questions surging through my mind. I'm so confused and out of state that I just can't seem to register any thoughts that could save me before screaming and tearing at the sheets. But I don't understand. Why am I the only one who remembers? I don't understand any of it except… wait, what was his number again?

I cover my face with my shaky hands, recalling those 5 numbers.

30691

I feel my heart stop as I realized his number. He's in Squad A. If someone's number starts with a three, you're in A, two is B and so on… I'm in D… the lowest, a zero.

But…

Blood rushes straight to my head. I bolt straight up from my bed and gasp.

Wait, why was he in a Squad _D_ shower?!

* * *

After getting a verbal beating for not showing up at dinner from Selphie, I felt like I would explode any minute now. Despite having a particularly small breakfast and an even smaller lunch, I'm surprised that I, Sora the living garbage disposal, wasn't hungry at all.

But for good reasons.

I lie awake in my bed late at night, staring at the ceiling. I found myself thinking over the little shower scene that I shared with Riku earlier and can't help but feel entirely drained both emotionally and physically.

I wish I could just go somewhere and scream. This was frustrating as hell. I just need a place where I can unhinge my jaw and let out the loudest scream ever. Not here of course, Gods, definitely not here.

Even though I'm emotionally disturbed, I feel shitty _sexually_ as well. I can't help but think back to Riku and his gorgeous self. How great he looked back then when he would go fishing with no shirt and a spear in hand. How the water rolled down his back as if his skin repelled such an element. Damn, why on earth was I "blessed" with such a vivid memory of those times? Now is not the time to relate back on those Riku fantasies I had back there in the shower or even home. Home. _Home._

This is awful. There is just no way for me to relax is there?

So now, I'll just lie in bed till I think of something, anything to relieve the frustration in me! I'll never be able to just be happy even for just a second here! Nev—

Wait. _Wait a second._

A sly smile spread across my face as I found an idea.

I realized that I could let out my _sexual_ frustration…

Maybe not my emotional rage or anything.

Quietly I sat up from my bed and crept down the hall. I felt for the walls as it ended and turned. I let my sight go and found that if I felt my way around I could easily find the bathroom. I smiled to myself coming to conclusion; this would be the first time I have ever masturbated in the bathroom. I usually would in my room, and clean up the mess with a towel that'd I would then throw in the laundry bin. Throwing away the evidence. I'm sure the laundry girls would have a surprise.

I smack myself for thinking that.

What the hell has gotten into me all of a sudden? Whenever Riku comes into my head, he just erases all those previous complications… only to add more lust, desire and _love_ problems in my head!

Besides, doing this in the place where Riku was sounds kind of… _daring._

I scoff to myself as I open the door. What is it with me feeling _daring_ lately?

I look inside the beige bathroom and find it hot from the locked in heat. I fan myself as I walk in and can smell the different kinds of soaps. Maybe if I concentrate hard enough I could pick out what Riku was wearing earlier. He always seems to smell the same. Like vanilla, sweat, and Riku.

Without waiting longer I find a spot and stand in front of a mirror, my back against the bathroom stall stand. Why on earth would someone put a mirror in front of a bathroom stall? I don't think about it anymore as my reflection stares back, wild brown hair, deep blue innocent eyes, and a tanned body. I remove of my black sleeveless shirt aware of how it has gotten hotter. I bring a hand slowly to my lips and sigh imagining it was Riku's. I let that hand trail down while mentally picturing his strong-gloved hand roaming my body. My eyes close, feeling the heat coming from myself as I gasp when I brush a finger over a hard nipple. I let my head drop back against the stall as I play with the hard nub, letting myself feel the fiery burn I give to me as Riku gave me earlier.

Riku… It's unbelievable of how much you make me feel. Whether it be love or lust at the moment, you make everything so… _thrilling_.

Unable to take it anymore I sit on the ground and lean back onto one hand feeling the cool stall behind me. I slid my gray sweat pants off as my erection pops out free from its restriction. I move my hand back up to my chest and let it roam over myself, scratching and kneading my tan skin; no doubt, red marks with appear within seconds.

My cheeks redden at the thought. Some part of me should feel that this is way too embarrassing and I should just tuck myself away and wallow in my pity back in my room. But then there's the other side of me, the one that makes me feel free at times and lets me be who I want to be. The one who let's me drop all previous thoughts and bathe in total peace at times. To relax and take things as they come, carefree. Unaware at how bad the situation may be or how it's going to turn out. If I'll do the right thing or the wrong. Kind of like when I stuck up for Selphie and everyone. I knew I shouldn't. I knew I'd get in so much trouble. But I did the right thing. I didn't know what was going to happen though.

The other half of me begged me to leave, begged me to go back. To forget about the situation knowing how much trouble I'd get in if I would interfere. But again, I did the right thing. At least that's how I felt about it.

My hand snakes down to my stomach. I play with the few hairs above my arousal. I quickly forget about my last thought as that devilish side of me, the everyone has in them, encourages me to go on. Suddenly I can almost see Riku hovering above me, feeling me everywhere while he whispers unimaginable things in my ear of what he's going to do to me.

I ease my hand lower and stroke myself, trying hard to not scream at the instant contact. I haven't touched myself in such a long time and the relapse of time makes it all the better. It's pretty amazing what one touch can do to me. I already can feel my orgasm build up inside, climbing up from it's long dormancy. I gasp when I pick up the speed, I won't dare to go faster than this, I have to prolong these sensations. My eyes flutter shut from the pleasure I give myself, though I rather it be someone else's hand. Namely Riku's. I can hear my erratic breathing and almost cry aloud in both surprise and awaiting pleasure when I find that my other hand is going towards somewhere else subconsciously.

Riku… you have no idea how much I crave you.

I chew on my lip to keep me from shouting his name as I slid a finger down to rub at the puckered entrance. By will I feel myself relax and I shove it deep inside myself. A sharp pain shoots up from my bottom and spreads throughout my body, the pain is easy to ignore but my frustration eats at me saying it should be something other than my fingers. You, Riku should be inside me. Not my single digit, but your cock should be buried inside me.

I roll my eyes as I pump that finger in and out in time with my other hand. I feel my orgasm begin to rise while I stroke myself harder.

I don't even think as I add another finger and grit my teeth trying not to cry aloud and gasp Riku's name. I can feel my insides working hard, clamping down on the foreign objects trying to adjust to them. I won't let them adjust; I add another finger and almost die. I let both, my most intimate part of my body and my fingers thrust in and out of those familiar tunnels of heat. Oh Gods, a little more…

Colorful stars seem to explode in front my eyes when I hit that spot that always makes me cry but I dare not scream. I can't. My breath hitches and I almost pass out when I come so hard. I can picture Riku lowering his head and swallowing all of me, watch as that ivory fluid shoots into his warm mouth instead of on my stomach. I bring a trembling hand to my stomach and dip my fingers into the small white puddle. A creamy drop rolls down my fingers as I slowly draw the honey covered digits to my mouth. They slid in and a small moan escapes from me.

Riku…

After a minute I regain my state of mind and withdraw my fingers from myself. I get up wearily and pull up my pants. The good news, I didn't come on my pants or on the floor… only on me. Reaching down, I slip on my shirt and head over to clean up.

I turn on the water and grab a few paper towels and clean myself off. I look into the mirror and stare into my eyes.

What did I just do?

A small _clink _breaks my frame of mind as I look down at the silver crown where it hit against the sink. I wash my hands and stomach and grab some towels to dry off, the crown swinging happily in front of me.

Riku…

I reach down and kiss the crown. So daring.

Quietly I walk out of the bathroom, down the hall and into my room. My mouth opens wide and I yawn.

I silently shake my head and smile.

I love you so much.


	3. Fly Me To the Moon: Part One

**Disclaimer:** Obviously, not mine.  
**Notes:** Editing completed on 05/06/07. 

_Chapter Three: Fly Me to the Moon - Part One_

* * *

It's been three days since I saw Riku, since I last saw him in the showers. And in that three day span, I can't help but think about him constantly. I am pretty ashamed about the midnight bathroom event that happened the same night. I shouldn't have let my emotions go that far. I could have gotten caught so easily. I should be more careful and not let such a thing effect me. But it isn't easy. 

Also I haven't seen or heard of him and I'm surprised no one said anything about someone seeing a Squad A person walk right out of the bathroom. No one saw him. It's impossible for someone not to be spotted, they would have had to pass the guards that block us off from the rest of the two other squads. I don't feel like thinking about this anymore, so I will my mind to rest while I lay in my bed. I hope that I can at least get a small nap in before dinner. No way am I going back to the showers. I think it would look somewhat suspicious doing that for the past three days at the same time.

Then unexpectedly, an ear splitting scream echoes down the hall.

I fell as though my spleen was pulled out from within me as a sharp cry continues. Immediately, I jump up from my bed and it seems I make it to my doorway in one long leap. My hands painfully grip the frame as I stick my head out, frantically looking from side to side.

A blur of people rush by me while muffled screams continue to erupt from down the hall. More and more desperate sounding, more and more pain put into it with each shrill cry, almost sounding as if someone, was…dying.

I walk out of my room carefully, trying not to cause too much commotion with my frantic walking and worried look. Of course, I'm surrounded by a sea of others as they share the same gait and expression.

You can only be too careful though.

I suddenly spot a small figure in the corner, face in hands and bodying shaking with sobs. Brown hair cascades around her tiny head. Selphie cries in the corner.

"Selphie!" I run towards her loosely, anxiety racking through my body.

People start to push their way to the end of the hall just opposite and I have to almost beat my way through the wave of my fellow squad-mates.

Finally, as though it seems to take an eternity, I reach her quivering form.

"Selphie." I ask, placing a hand on her shoulder. She flinches and begins to cry harder.

"Selphie… what's wrong?" I ask firmly but gentle. Is it just me or has the hall gotten quieter?

I start to get impatient as the hall begins to silence and a new wave of murmurs fill the air. This isn't good. I shake her a little. Sometimes, she can get a little too carried away. I only hope this time that she is really over reacting.

"Selp—" I'm cut off by her meek little hands covering my mouth. She slowly picks her head up and looks at me straight in the eyes. It must be taking a lot of strength to do this because she is still shivering tremendously.

Her watery eyes look hurt and pain fills them as I gaze into them, trying to pick out what the hell is making all this commotion. At last, she speaks.

"Sora," she begins, her voice quivering, "M…Ma- Maz… died, they _killed_ him." And with that, she collapsed to the stained colored carpet, once again in tears. I slowly back away, aware of everyone's stare. All eyes are upon me.

Without thinking, I take off down the hall, passing by my one friend Garnett, and a bright flash of orange as Wakka goes towards the crying Selphie. People start to clear away while I run my way down to Marey's room. Soon a whole aisle is made as bystanders begin to close in behind.

I halt to Marey's door and try and catch my breath from the short sprint. The crying has stopped a while ago, but it couldn't have been worse than what I'm looking at right now.

As I pear through the doorway, hair plastered with sweat, I see Marey, face in pillow and body shaking. Her small hands clenched in fists around the beige cotton sheets, that she tries to squeeze the life from. My first reaction is to go over and comfort her distressed self and also cry with her. But I hold back, regaining my composure and step forward cautiously.

She heaves in another breathe her small frame shivering. Marey inches her hands away from her and tries to sit up. Her blue hair falls around her face as she begins to rise up from the bed. It takes her a lot of energy and she almost falls back onto it.

Finally, she is up and silently swings her feet over the bed, never lifting up her head during this task. My first thought is that she is going to come over to me and I'll hug her, drying away her tears. That way, she won't feel alone anymore, she'll have a shoulder to cry on, a friend to hold.

People begin to gasp while she slowly makes her way over to me, shuffling her small feet and never picking up her head. It's an unsettling site and I only hope for the best that she is alright and she can handle this loss. The crowd that seemed to form is growing, crowding the doorway, peering in as if this was the show and they await the final. It's uncomfortable having all these people watch such a personal display. It feels wrong.

Marey stands in front of me, hands at her side, quaking with emotions. I can almost feel this negative presence that she is giving off. It scares me really.

I casually yet carefully, reach a hand to her, an unsteady hand. I see my fingers hesitate before they softly land on her shoulder.

It's so cold… she's so cold.

"Sora…" she whispers so quietly, it's almost a breathe.

I smile weakly and lightly rub her shoulder to at least try and warm the area, truthfully, it makes me more worried about the fact of why she feels so dead. Why does she actually _feel_ dead?

"It's okay Marey," I begin, smiling down. "I'll be here for you." And it's the truth. I'll always be here for someone in need.

I can almost begin to feel her nerves loosen up. But then Marey begins to back away, shrugging off my contact.

What?

Then, without any notice, an audible _slap _echoes throughout the room, eliciting gasps from the audience.

I bring my hand up quickly to my cheek, feeling that sickening warmth radiate from it accompanied by the harsh throb. I must have this all wrong…

"Don't… touch me." Marey spits out.

I to sway backwards, more out of shock than pain. It doesn't make sense as to why she… why she just did that. I don't understand. Why would she be angry with me?

"Get out of my sight." She spits again, this time with more force. Everyone is holding their breathe, in hope that I do something, that I can sort out something. They look up to me, I can't let them down. But, they are as confused as I am. Here I am, the one who everyone looks up to and I'm hopeless.

Finally, Marey picks her head up slowly. Now I understand why she didn't before.

She looks like a nightmare.

Her naturally bright eyes are emotionless as humanly possible. Actually, she doesn't even look human. It's like every single spark that made her shine was sucked out of her and her corpse was the only thing left to stay. Her skin is taught, pulling at her face making it look almost painfully tight and her color drained, leaving a pasty tone.

But more importantly, her eyes were what haunt me the most, those black voided eyes that seem to just lead down forever and ever into a bottom less pit of nothing. It scares me to even look but something pulled me into stare at them.

It was disturbing.

I couldn't help but gasp at what I saw. Marey's eyes were so… torn. Yes, now I believe eyes are the windows to your soul. It was such a cliché saying but now I can relate to it. Her soul is ripped and torn to pieces, falling forever down and down to hell.

And I was the cause.

I could have saved Maz. I should have done something. It's just so beautiful to see a sibling love. To see how the were able to find each other in hell. How both Maz and Marey found one another through this mess, I'll never know…

Before I realize what I'm doing, a wave of panic drowns my body, submerging my soul to the core. I run out of the room frantically brushing away from people as they move away quickly, gasping at the show that has ended. The sound of my feet echo against the wall, the sound of bare flesh slapping against the concrete. I am running barefoot down the halls filled with people, twisting their heads as I run past them, not giving a damn anymore. All I know is that I need to get out of here. Fast.

To know that I'm the hero here, how people depend on me and I couldn't save someone this time. Let alone someone that meant so much to me and another. I'm such a _failure._

My feet smack hard against the ground and I can feel the slight sting to them, I make them move faster. My bare feet burn and a numbness starts to tinge them from how hard I'm pushing myself, rapidly away from this scene. Soon, I realize that I'm letting my body take control, guiding me towards _this_ hall, _that_ particular hall.

The one hall to my freedom.

I take a sharp left, closer and closer to where I really want to be. A place like no other. I can go there… to help me forget, maybe even cheer me up? Forget just momentarily about what just happened.

Less and less people begin to turn their heads as I run like light down the long empty corridor. Soon there is no one and I follow my instinct, let my feet, my soul, take me to that destination.

The feeling of guilt, pain, anger and anguish begins to crack the barriers I put up to keep my image. Those barriers that had been built over time to block out any emotion that I could ever let loose. Any emotion that could let me lose my control.

I can't seem to figure out how long I ran, I just knew I was there. Here.

The surroundings were cracked, chipped and caked with years of dust and other filth. A place you wouldn't necessarily want to be. The long hall began to grow darker, eerier, quieter… wrong.

The thing about this place is that it's the entrance to hell. The place you wouldn't expect to find people dancing about. The only light that ever illuminates the place is that eternal red glow coming from the end of the hall.

Doorway after doorway of nothing but rooms filled with dust and debris, people fled these parts of Xavian. Not many people could even stand a day in the rooms so close to hell.

But I do, I could. I can.

I run towards the end of the hall, nearing my objective. I zoom down the blend of concrete and wooden stairs that travel so far down. And jump the last few, landing hard on floor, cracking hard objects beneath me.

Bones.

I'm surprised I can last this long without stopping, but that familiar pull at my navel reminds me that I'm so close. I follow that pull, that beautiful pain that aches in the very core of my very being, urging me to respond.

No one comes down here for more than the reason than just the uneasy terrifying feeling of being around this area. It's the fact that down in this basement cavern is the huge vaulted steel iron door that leads into the furnace room. A place where things needing to be destroyed, erased, go to be burned, a giant crematory… a place for dead bodies to be discarded. A foul smell of death fills this large industrial district that can make anyone want to hurl. But you get used to it after a while.

And I know that Maz was last in this place.

Feet hitting the cold ground, I sprint towards the local busted boxes in the far right trying to forget that last depressing thought and dip behind them into the small narrow alley. I haven't been here in such a long time that I have to bat away the cobwebs and clouds of dirt that I stir up. My pace slows down while my heart hysterically pounds against my chest, banging on and on almost trying to get out of it's cage.

As I crouch down and begin to crawl through the long tunnel, a sewage like drain, I feel my eyes give and the small flow of tears break loose. The feel of water against my face reminds me of how weak I am. How strong I should be and how much it hurts. My palms begin to slip against the floor as the cold stone turns into a mushy, slimy mysterious substance encrusting my hands and knees. Water flows lightly through the tunnel, winding down the path towards the end. I'm so close towards where it empties. And finally when I look up towards the end, I see it; the smallest light radiating from the end of the tunnel, the light that I will always go to.

Some people always say, "Don't go to the light at the end of the tunnel."

I do.

And I never will give it up.

I'll forever crawl towards that warmth, to that hope that shines so lovingly, touching my skin, caressing my soul to the very center. It's what makes me still fight. Fight for freedom. It's my "what's worth fighting for."

Beyond that wired barricade I can see outside.

Through a small opening I can see the moon, the gorgeous white moon, glowing down at me, bathing my body in its beautiful comfort, it reflects off my necklace and lights the rest of the tunnel. As I look up I can see the stars. The stars that forever wink and twinkle at me, playing in the night's sky. I feel my emotions suddenly break and I cry. I cry so hard about how this stupid obstruction can strain everything outside but it can't let me pass. I can't break this damn barricade down as it's like melded to the end of this tunnel that could lead me to my freedom.

I stick my shaky hand through the small hole that can only fit my skinny arm and reach for the sky, the wires cutting my flesh, ripping my pale skin. The feel of warm blood trickles down my arm onto my shirt, staining it a dark crimson. More than anything right now I want to reach that moon. I want the moon so bad. I want to dance under the stars so much. To be underneath the sky and twirl around, sand beneath my feet and the sound of waves in the back round.

But all I hear now is the sound of water streaming down this channel, and my repulsive sobs. My sobs over how much I hate myself and how much I can't be strong. I'm losing my façade, my control ever since…

Right before I saw him again. Riku…

Riku, how his deep emerald eyes carry that serious gaze, how his hair never turns a shade darker nor a shade lighter, always the same rare tone. Sure there are some people in Xavian that have the grayish silver hair but nothing can ever be like the beautiful silver that Riku possesses. Nothing can be as silky or fine as his hair. It's the tenderness and compassion that he has, there isn't anything else in the world that could match his beauty both in appearance and character. He isn't even comparable to anyone. A rank of his own. Even now, he must still be the same. No one ever loses who they are.

Just reflecting back on Riku has made this situation all the worse, my heart feels like it is struggling to beat, to stay alive. More than anything I rather just rot away faster than I already am. I can't stand this place. There is too much pain everywhere I go. Every turn I make I run into another agonizing memory about what was before.

I hate myself and I hate this place. But more than anything…in the end; I hate love.

One last time I look up at the sky, straining my sight to see more, than just the moon and stars, some more shapes. I don't even know what I'm looking for half the time. But I see nothing else in this pitch black sky.

Oh, how I want to see more.

Why is it always about wanting? I seem to have more desires than I can deal with. My life is full of imagination, always dreaming of things that can never happen, that never seem to want to happen. It's so frustrating about just how _much _I seem to feel sorry for myself. Am I _that_ selfish?!

Riku…

I am so confused. I slam my fist against the cold tunnel wall, feeling the sharp throb of a bone cracking.

"WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH?!" I scream out to whatever beings just love making me squirm, making my life hell…

And as if my question was answered, I suddenly hear a small wisp of wind come from outside the tunnel, back from where I entered. A small whisper, a sweet sound catches my attention and I find myself looking towards it. My recent thoughts begin to fade… this sudden sound attracting my fullest attention and thought. My body scurries back to the way into the channel, water splashing as I frantically crawl to that sweet noise.

Just when I reach the opening, a soft colorless light flashes before my eyes and dissipates. I have to shield my face and I squint to see what was the cause.

Suddenly, I see something that almost made me cry and scream aloud.

A long white form stands in front of the oven door, its body letting off a delicate aura. A long slender body shaped so beautifully and intricate stands with its back towards me, not letting me see what's on the other side. It seems so…

Strange.

What is it?

Suddenly, I hear the same sound as before begin to pick up volume, now I realize it's some sort of hum, a gentle tune that sounds ghostly yet, surprisingly comforting.

All of a sudden, I realize I'm inching towards the noise more intrigued, so close. Slowly I make my way, intrigued by the situation. What are you? Should I feel scared by a mysterious white creature standing near the oven? Yeah. But I'm not. I don't know why. This thing…

It's so… it seems so…

Just as I'm about there, the form begins to turn around.

I am about to see the face, what's on the other side with anticipation gripping my chest tightly, I am about to see this beautiful but strange _thing_. This thing that suddenly changed my thoughts and I felt that I had an objective to touch it. To go near it. So close, I'm peeking around the corner of the alley. I can see the long locks of pale hair that float in the air, the glorious luminosity that surrounds the figure giving it an almost, _angelic_ look.

Then suddenly, it disappears right before my eyes.


End file.
